sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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