she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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