I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
