smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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