Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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