Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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