Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
