I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
