No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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