we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
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What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
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You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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