Acid is not a monday night drug
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
