my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
two words: eviction party
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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