whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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