1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
