I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
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