I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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