how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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