can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
