it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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