dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
