is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
