You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
