He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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