Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
