It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
