I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize