When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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