grandma shit on top of the toilet
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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