Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
