There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
