The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
