Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
