did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
