How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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