Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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