god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
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He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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