If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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