OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
