I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Someone stole a lamp last night.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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