I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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