my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
