When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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