This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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