im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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