Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
