would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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