went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
