Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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