If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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