On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
