Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
