If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My dick has a subreddit
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
