that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you win again, gameday.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
