Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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