it wasn't lemon gatorade
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My penis needs a shock collar
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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