He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
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Well I just put wine in my tea
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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