so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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