Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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