Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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