Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
