Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
