Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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