Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
