i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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