Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
