Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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