1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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