The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
