I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
