Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
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Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
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Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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