Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
