Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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