Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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