I wish they made helmets for livers.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's work?
Spinning.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize