Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
