I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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